Guess who has no money...THIS GUY

I hate debit latency. So I know I have a zero balance going into payday (Thursday) because my bank text messages me whenever my balance drops below 150 bucks. I deposit 500 out of my paycheck, and I know that I have a bill of 287 to be paid on Friday. So by my math, that leaves me with 213 dollars, plus the 120 in my pocket. I bought groceries for 35 bucks, so that leaves me with 298 bucks to get me through my weekend gallavanting and 3 work days.

So, I go and spend the 120 bucks in my pocket. I honestly can't tell you where it all went; it just makes like a turd and burns a hole, runs down my leg and makes it's escape. I know I spent 10 bucks buying the System of a Down CD, 40 bucks on dinner last night, 40 bucks at the brewery and then another miscellaneous lunch and dinner that accounts for like 15 of those dollars, so I have no idea where the other 15 went. No big deal, I still have like 170 left in my bank.

Guess what. I Fucking hate banks. Due to my purchases from like 4 days ago, I accrued like 140 bucks worth of charges that didn't get deducted from my account until today. This leaves me like 39 dollars to get to next payday, a whopping 5 days away.

The only reason that I'm not out at the 7-11 on the corner of 83 and Horseblock with the mexicans and miscellaneous veteran looking for work to feed his family is because I have a large stash of coinage that I fully intend to cash in at Coinstar and nearly double my current life savings (39 dollars if you missed it before.)

So I figure I'll have about 80 bucks, plus the 80 bucks that I have left in my overdraw protection at my bank, that's 160 to get me through the week. I'm probably forgetting like 50 debit purchases that I made over the last 4 days that will come back and bite me, and I'll be forced to lease out my mouth for an hour to some rich (or poor) gay guy just so I can afford gas to get me to work next week. I'd much rather lease it out to a girl, so if you're a girl, reading this, taking pitty on poor ole blatt and want a ride on the old tonsil highway for like 20 bucks, let me know.

Dammit, I feel so dirty now. Time for a shower...I mean bath.