Become a Man: In Fewer Than 25 Simple Steps

I realized something in my daily ponderances today: I've officially achieved manhood. I don't think that there are many guys that can say that out there, but I'm one of them.

Most guys will say that the path to becoming manly is summed up by losing your virginity, stomping some mime, losing your emotions, losing your hair, getting all buff at a gym, being really good at kickball, getting into a knife fight, or even eating a 76 oz. steak. They're all wrong.

This weekend I witnessed a phenomenon that is sure to sweep the nation pretty soon (having already swept the western/southern states;) bull-riding. How many other sports only last 8 seconds? I can't think of many with the exception of a dash or two. So being manly is riding a bull? Not necessarily, but it could get you there in a hurry.

Here's your basic outline on how to become a man in Fewer than 25 steps as promised:

Step 1: Read this blog (check...you're well on your way)
Step 2: Have a Memorial Day Party
Step 3: Take a shot
Step 4: Repeat Step 3 twenty-one or so times before the hour is up
Step 25: Trip over a flower pot and fall face first into the pavement...try to stop yourself by biting the concrete.

There you have it. You're a man now, just remember that the best liquid to stick your knocked out teeth in on your way to your dentist is Saliva...so keep 'em in your mouth. Not manly enough for the saliva? A Glass of milk will do just fine.

For those who want to be super-manly however, you can do it in under 8 seconds, as was demonstrated by my hero of the weekend. He took a redo because he got knocked off of his bull, then they gave him a bigger bull to ride; possibly the biggest damn bull I've ever seen. At just after 4 seconds, the bull broke him free...then the bull's horn and gravity double teamed a few of the teeth in this guy's mouth and broke them free as he was bouncing from the ass of the bull to the horns.

You're not a man until you've knocked out a few of your teeth, and cursed at a little girl in the emergency room.